Faithful Thoughts/Lisa

This topic--how to help your child find him/herself--has been on my mind for several days--and I have to admit, it's not one of the things I am extremely confident about. In the short six and a half years that I've been a mother, I've made the effort to help my children figure out who they are, what they are interested in, and what they believe. I am a bit of a control-freak, and it's been hard for me to keep that side of me at bay while I try to let my children learn for themselves. As any parent does, I want what is best for my children. I want them to feel Heavenly Father's love for them and understand their role in His plan. I want them to know Jesus Christ and develop a relationship with Him. I want them to feel loved and cared for and I want them to be confident. I want them to be spared unnecessary pain and disappointment. I want them to love and serve those around them. I want them to respect other people, even if (or especially if?) they are different. I want them to love learning. I want them to be able to make decisions and do things that are hard. I want them to feel happy and experience joy.

All of these things don't come overnight, nor can they be wrapped up in a package and given to each child. I believe that to help my children learn who they are and develop as an individual, I have to give them the space to do it, as I teach and guide them.

I try to teach them my beliefs by the way I live as well as the things I say. We read in the scriptures and study about people who followed Christ. We pray together. We talk openly of Heavenly Father and Jesus and how we can be more like them. We try to be aware of peoples' needs and we try to meet them through service.

I try to listen to my children and hear what they are telling me without judging them or what they say.

I believe it's important to give them guided choices--a very simple example is when it comes to what to wear or eat--if I say "What do you want to wear?" they either give me a blank look or choose their Halloween costume from two years ago. If instead I ask, "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?" they are able to make a choice and learn some autonomy (while still under some sort of control :)). I am hopeful that with guided choices when they are young, they will make good decisions when they are older.

I believe that I should let consequences fall--although this is a tough one--and that they should see the connection between their actions/choices and the consequences that come.

Most of all, I try to help my kids know how much I love them. I see their confidence grow when they can see and feel that they are wanted and needed. I believe physical affection is so important for children--hugs and kisses and squeezes and holding hands or high fives or even special glances or winks--help them feel connected to me.

What a blessing it is to have children in our lives and homes--they can teach me about purity and innocence and light. I joke sometimes that I am ruining them, but in all honesty, I am trying my hardest not to. I hope that Ryan and I can be the anchors they need as they learn and grow, and that we can help them develop the abilities and knowledge to become the capable, intelligent, thinking, loving, faithful adults that I know are inside.