I'm a talker. I can yakkity yak until the cows come home and find that I have said nothing of substance. Add to that the fact that I am a lecturer, and well, you can guess I have a lot of hot air. My instinct is to teach my children by discussion. I have often come away from my "teaching moments" quite self-satisfied at my performance only to have my child display no understanding of what I "taught". I have also come away from lessons taught to me only to choose not to learn anything from the giver of the lesson because I deem it unnecessary. After recognizing my weaknesses as a mother, I've decided I need to turn my "teaching moments" into "learning moments".
Lisa is spot on when she says we teach our children by what we say and do. I think children learn far more by watching than from "being taught". I guess that the goal of my teaching has expanded from teaching a certain principle to trying to show them how to learn from the lessons of life. Really, to hopefully instill in them a desire to take notice and make changes. Obviously, we need to make sure our children know how to do very obvious tasks. Things like making their beds, brushing their teeth, doing homework and making good choices. Those things take concerted moments of instruction. But then there are the intrinsic lessons of life that come from experience and thought. I think that by asking our children about their perception of an event or lesson helps them to recognize and internalize what they have just been presented with. I hope that my children can recognize a "learning moment" when it is presented to them. This method is still a work in progress because, as I said before, I like to lecture. It's far more difficult for me to ask my child "what did you think of that?" or "did you learn anything from that experience?" than it is for me to explain to them what I think they should have learned.
After all these posts I realize how precarious and blind the job of parenting is and how many things I need to change and improve. Talk about on the job training! I'm grateful for this chance to really think about different aspects of my motherhood. I hope that I can be an example of learning to my children. Ultimately, I hope I can teach my children how to learn.
Showing posts with label Faithful Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faithful Thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, April 18, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Faithful Thoughts Part II/Lula Mae
I have to say I'm glad the topic is showing love to our family not feeling love for our family. I think it's easier to "fake it till you make it" sometimes when it comes to kids. I'm sure I'll say many of the same things that the other ladies have said so I'll keep it brief.
When Colby and I first got married we adopted a scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants (a book of scripture in the LDS Church) that states: "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy." (D&C 121:43) Now let me make it clear that the "sharpness" quoted here is not a condoning of yelling or physical punishment. I think this scripture sums it up well, if we don't show love to our children they may come to esteem us as their enemies. I think evidence of this abounds in today's society.
Showing love comes in many forms, Lisa and Annie have both addressed many of them very well. I'd like to add in detail that setting boundaries and consequences are other ways to show children we care.
When we, as mothers find out we are expecting a child our first thoughts are of cradling that infant in our arms and smothering him/her with innumerable kisses but I think that many times when we finally hold those babies as two year olds we find it increasingly difficult to "stand our ground" when it comes to teaching them basics like sharing and appropriate behavior. I know that my daughter (at the wonderful age of two now) tests my endurance like none of my other children have. She yells, hollers and screams far more aggressively than her brothers ever did. My first instinct is to give her what she wants. Just make it stop. But I'm also smart enough as a mother of three older boys to know that a tantrum from a two year old is nothing compared to the smoldering standoff a ten year old can throw at you.
I know children will test the limits throughout their lives at home but can we imagine what our children would be like if there were no limits? Imagine driving on the freeway without lanes or a city without a police force? Chaos would rule. The difference between being a police officer and being a mom is that when a child "breaks the law" I have the great opportunity to show love and mercy. That is what makes the greatest difference. When all is said and done after an episode, I try to make a point of giving my children hugs and telling them repeatedly that I love them. I want them to know that this show of affection is not out of guilt but out of deep concern for their well being and a fierce love for their sweet spirit. In the end, I think I'm figuring this all out as I go along. Sometimes I get it right, other times I hope I haven't done irreparable damage to my kids. Ultimately I think if I'm truly seeking Heavenly Father's guidance and doing my best things will work out for the best. Here's hoping!
When Colby and I first got married we adopted a scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants (a book of scripture in the LDS Church) that states: "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy." (D&C 121:43) Now let me make it clear that the "sharpness" quoted here is not a condoning of yelling or physical punishment. I think this scripture sums it up well, if we don't show love to our children they may come to esteem us as their enemies. I think evidence of this abounds in today's society.
Showing love comes in many forms, Lisa and Annie have both addressed many of them very well. I'd like to add in detail that setting boundaries and consequences are other ways to show children we care.
When we, as mothers find out we are expecting a child our first thoughts are of cradling that infant in our arms and smothering him/her with innumerable kisses but I think that many times when we finally hold those babies as two year olds we find it increasingly difficult to "stand our ground" when it comes to teaching them basics like sharing and appropriate behavior. I know that my daughter (at the wonderful age of two now) tests my endurance like none of my other children have. She yells, hollers and screams far more aggressively than her brothers ever did. My first instinct is to give her what she wants. Just make it stop. But I'm also smart enough as a mother of three older boys to know that a tantrum from a two year old is nothing compared to the smoldering standoff a ten year old can throw at you.
I know children will test the limits throughout their lives at home but can we imagine what our children would be like if there were no limits? Imagine driving on the freeway without lanes or a city without a police force? Chaos would rule. The difference between being a police officer and being a mom is that when a child "breaks the law" I have the great opportunity to show love and mercy. That is what makes the greatest difference. When all is said and done after an episode, I try to make a point of giving my children hugs and telling them repeatedly that I love them. I want them to know that this show of affection is not out of guilt but out of deep concern for their well being and a fierce love for their sweet spirit. In the end, I think I'm figuring this all out as I go along. Sometimes I get it right, other times I hope I haven't done irreparable damage to my kids. Ultimately I think if I'm truly seeking Heavenly Father's guidance and doing my best things will work out for the best. Here's hoping!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Faithful Thoughts/ Lula Mae
The question this month for Faithful Thoughts was "How do you help your child find him/herself?" We've each been thinking about it for several days now and as you've read, Annie has posted her thoughts. Now it's my turn.
First, I will admit that my greatest understanding of my children has come in the past year. I guess I may be a late bloomer in the parent department but I really think that most parents feel the way I do: you get better with practice.
When my first son was born, I really didn't have a detailed plan for him. Parenthood was simply a day to day affair for me. Of course, there were milestones I knew he would reach and there were experiences I wanted him to have but in terms of a detailed life map, I had none. I still don't. But I knew that it is a parent's responsibility to give a child a core set of values, an anchor or compass that will enable them to determine direction when they are on their own. We must help them distinguish between meaningful happiness and instant gratification. There are things I believe are vital for them to know in order to be happy in this life and prepared for the next and I will teach them these things in the hopes that they will in fact find them to be true on their own. Ultimately, I know they will make their own determinations and choose their own paths as they get older. But the things I am teaching them now are tools to help them be able to wade through all the options life will offer them. Beyond that, I am realizing that a child's personal development is best stimulated by parents who can simply see their child as the adult he/she will become and not just the child he/she is at the time. Really, I believe our children understand how they fit into the world as children better than we do as adults but left to their own devices and lacking a compass, they will gravitate toward anything that makes them feel fulfilled. And all too often gratification is mistaken for fulfillment. All you end up with is a lost adult.
I have learned that my children are pretty good at discovering their talents within themselves all on their own. It is up to me to help them develop the talents they already have. I used to think that I had to expose them to everything early on; art, music, sports, you name it. After all, how does someone know they like soccer unless they've played it? But I am finding, with my oldest, that in spite of all the lessons, games and conversations his interests are very different than I had assumed. I think it is more about drawing out the inside talent, than forcing interest in an outside experience.
I realize that as a mother I have a grand opportunity to watch something awe-inspiring and beautiful as my children make their way through life. The time of parenthood is swift and unsure but I hope that as I get to interact with these growing human beings I help them see how beautiful they are and prepare them for where ever they may land.
First, I will admit that my greatest understanding of my children has come in the past year. I guess I may be a late bloomer in the parent department but I really think that most parents feel the way I do: you get better with practice.
When my first son was born, I really didn't have a detailed plan for him. Parenthood was simply a day to day affair for me. Of course, there were milestones I knew he would reach and there were experiences I wanted him to have but in terms of a detailed life map, I had none. I still don't. But I knew that it is a parent's responsibility to give a child a core set of values, an anchor or compass that will enable them to determine direction when they are on their own. We must help them distinguish between meaningful happiness and instant gratification. There are things I believe are vital for them to know in order to be happy in this life and prepared for the next and I will teach them these things in the hopes that they will in fact find them to be true on their own. Ultimately, I know they will make their own determinations and choose their own paths as they get older. But the things I am teaching them now are tools to help them be able to wade through all the options life will offer them. Beyond that, I am realizing that a child's personal development is best stimulated by parents who can simply see their child as the adult he/she will become and not just the child he/she is at the time. Really, I believe our children understand how they fit into the world as children better than we do as adults but left to their own devices and lacking a compass, they will gravitate toward anything that makes them feel fulfilled. And all too often gratification is mistaken for fulfillment. All you end up with is a lost adult.
I have learned that my children are pretty good at discovering their talents within themselves all on their own. It is up to me to help them develop the talents they already have. I used to think that I had to expose them to everything early on; art, music, sports, you name it. After all, how does someone know they like soccer unless they've played it? But I am finding, with my oldest, that in spite of all the lessons, games and conversations his interests are very different than I had assumed. I think it is more about drawing out the inside talent, than forcing interest in an outside experience.
I realize that as a mother I have a grand opportunity to watch something awe-inspiring and beautiful as my children make their way through life. The time of parenthood is swift and unsure but I hope that as I get to interact with these growing human beings I help them see how beautiful they are and prepare them for where ever they may land.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Faithful Thoughts
I'm really excited to introduce a new idea today. I've had the good fortune to talk two of my friends into joining me once a month on this blog to discuss varying topics. We will call it "Faithful Thoughts" and we hope that our ideas, comments and perspectives will be interesting and even inspiring to our readers. We are open to topic suggestions and as always, we love comments. Let me introduce my friends;
Annie is the mother of three from Colorado. She has been my friend since before kindergarten and we have somehow managed to maintain a friendship throughout the years and across the miles. Annie has a degree in writing and is a practicing Baptist. It's this combination that I know will enable her to offer a different perspective to our topics (and perhaps edit our drafts before posting).
Lisa is the mother of two from Utah. She is the busiest mom I know. Not only does she get a lot done, she does everything with high energy and efficiency. I've known Lisa for a few years now and felt very fortunate to learn from her example. Lisa is a practicing Mormon with a degree in nutrition who is very accomplished at expressing her thoughts and opinions.
I'll have each of them give greater, in depth accounts of themselves because there is so much more to them than what I have written. (If I've gotten anything wrong ladies, please feel free to edit.)
I hope all our readers enjoy this new feature on A Force For Good. We're really excited to share our thoughts and ideas with you all and hopefully we can each gain greater knowledge and understanding.
Annie is the mother of three from Colorado. She has been my friend since before kindergarten and we have somehow managed to maintain a friendship throughout the years and across the miles. Annie has a degree in writing and is a practicing Baptist. It's this combination that I know will enable her to offer a different perspective to our topics (and perhaps edit our drafts before posting).
Lisa is the mother of two from Utah. She is the busiest mom I know. Not only does she get a lot done, she does everything with high energy and efficiency. I've known Lisa for a few years now and felt very fortunate to learn from her example. Lisa is a practicing Mormon with a degree in nutrition who is very accomplished at expressing her thoughts and opinions.
I'll have each of them give greater, in depth accounts of themselves because there is so much more to them than what I have written. (If I've gotten anything wrong ladies, please feel free to edit.)
I hope all our readers enjoy this new feature on A Force For Good. We're really excited to share our thoughts and ideas with you all and hopefully we can each gain greater knowledge and understanding.
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