So, long story short, this little girl has been bullying my 10 year old son for over a year. Not in an overly aggressive way but it was childhood teasing that has become perpetual and irritating. My son was never afraid but had grown weary of always having to deal with this girl's relentless teasing. She goes to his school and is a member of our church and I have heard her shout a stupid name at him as we passed while going home from school and I have seen how he avoids her at church by sitting at the farthest end of the row by himself. The sad truth is this, for six months my son has asked me to deal with this young lady and I have put it off because I wanted to find a non-threatening way to ask this girl to stop. I am ashamed that my son has gone so long dealing with this because I have been too afraid of causing a situation with her parents to be his advocate. Even at the beginning of last night, my youngest son (his younger brother) asked me to speak with this girl and I said no because it was the Christmas party and I felt it was inappropriate.
I'm not sure at what point in the evening the "incident" took place but when my husband and I got home, he relayed the fact that the mother of this girl (a woman I respect and call a friend), had approached him and said that our oldest son (my 13 year old, not the 10 year old who has been teased for a year) told her daughter that he would stuff raisins up her nose if she didn't leave his brother alone. This woman then continued with (and this bothers me the most); "I just thought you'd want to know that your 13 year old son is picking on little girls."
My husband said he'd handle it and proceeded to talk to our oldest about what happened. While he was engaged in this conversation, the young lady came up to the two of them and said "so can I punch him in the nose now?" To which my husband looked her in the eye and said; "No, but what you can do is never say another word to (my son) again. No teasing, no bothering, no nothing."
This young lady was surprised at the straightforwardness of my husband and left without saying anything else.
The thing that bothers me the most about this event is not what my oldest did (we've spoken to him about how his words were a threat and that we don't behave that way) but that I let it get to the point where he felt he had to defend his brother. I failed in this thing as a parent.
I am currently trying to decide how/if I am going to contact my friend about this and let her know our side of what happened. It will take me a while until I can get past the urge to say "I just thought you should know your 10 year old daughter is a bully." and so I have decided to wait until I can have a rational conversation. I don't know, I don't know whether I should just let it alone because the girl has been handled or if I should just bite the bullet and speak out. I suppose if she persists I will have to act, and act quickly, but for now, I am at a loss.
3 comments:
I wish I had some good advice for you. It takes me back to the conversation we had at your kitchen table during Thanksgiving time. I too would be apprehensive to say anything, but your friend wasn't apprehensive to say something to you about Cameron so maybe she would like to know about her daughter's teasing? Or maybe that's too tit-for-tat and kinda petty. I really don't know.
Also, just because Colby talked to the little girl doesn't mean her parents know of her poor behavior...maybe they should be aware. I'm curious what you'll decide to do.
I know, it feels petty right now for me to call her because I really want to make her feel bad about her daughter and I know that's never a good place to come from. We see each other often so my plan right now is to be aware of an opportunity soon to say something. Otherwise, I think I'm going to call her after the holidays and just kind of lay it all out...once I can do it nicely.
What a hard situation! My jaw literally dropped (twice) in your story...first that the mom said that to your husband and second when the girl asked if she could punch him. How can her parents not know how she behaves? You're a good mom, Tiff...don't be too hard on yourself. I would agree it's best to wait until you can approach her from a better place. Otherwise, it will not come across well. (I saw this exact thing happen between two moms in Emma's class a couple of years ago.) Good luck! On a positive note...I love how your boys stick up for one another! Cameron sounds like a hero to me! :)
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