All The Fixins

I've been perusing Facebook while I've been awake in the wee hours of the morning. I usually avoid FB. I always come away with mixed feelings about everything I've read. So, sitting here in the quiet dark, when there is no one to talk to and things always seem to take on a mental life of their own, is probably not the best time to be taking in the self improvement firehose that is Facebook today. With the New Year there is an abundance of posts regarding goals and while I don't begrudge anyone the desire to improve, I've found myself feeling anxiety about how I (don't) measure up to the perceived progress everyone else is making or desires to make. Now, before you go getting your knickers in a twist, know that I am fully aware that I shouldn't be comparing myself to folks. I KNOW! I also know that it's January 2 and seriously, how much progress can a person make in 24 hours?! But here I am, sitting in the dark, worried about how far behind I am in my life. Yeah, I've set goals for the year. I've even done quite a bit of work to make sure I'm successful at them. The problem is, my goals are simply to catch up to where I think I should be in life. My goals are to fix mistakes I've been making for decades which have landed me in uncomfortable situations. While I know that at the end of 2019 I will possibly feel a sense of accomplishment, I worry that rather than becoming more, I will simply be surviving. So here is the conundrum of 2019; is surviving this year enough? Can I find a way to be content fixing my mistakes and count it a success?

Toes in the Water

Over the course of the last few months I've had a desire to write again. I took me several attempts to remember my password and get myself back in but now that I've managed to break back in to Blogger, I've found myself with a blank slate. It's exciting. Now I have a place to pontificate in print yet again! Nothing like putting your thoughts out into the world to make yourself feel important and knowledgeable. I've read back through some of my old posts (ancient by blog standards) and in some cases I've felt pleased with what I wrote. Other musings have left me cringing that I would put such thoughts out into the internet. I've decided to leave it. As a testament to how I've grown and from whence I came. We'll see what happens. For now, I'll let this first entry stand as my hello. We'll see where this re-entry into blogging takes me.

Hello...Goodbye

It's been a while, no?

I think I'm finished with blogging, not sure if I really have anything I need to say anymore. I think I prefer real conversation to cyber talk.

It's been fun.
Thanks,
Lula Mae

What I Have Learned From the Mothers in My Life

My mother the leader:

My mother has been involved in community and church all her life. From my early days, there are many memories involving her leading large groups of people in grand projects. She has held every possible leadership position in church including Stake and Ward Young Women President, Primary President, Stake and Ward Relief Society President and a myriad of others. She has directed community plays, worked with civic leaders and other religious leaders to accomplish large goals for the city in which she lives, blessing the lives of many. I have seen her articulate needs and plans to groups of men and women, sure of herself and the cause for which she worked. Her administration skills and persuasive leadership example has instilled in me a desire to do the same, and shown me how to organize myself and feel confident enough to volunteer for large assignments.
I am grateful for my mother's ability to lead with confidence. Leadershp and administration are skills I feel I have learned directly from her example.



The one who serves

When you get married, you get to pick your relatives. When I chose my husband, I chose my inlaws. In the fifteen-plus years of our marriage I have had the opportunity to get to know my husband's mother better. For me, her greatest attribute is her ability to serve with kindness. No matter who, when or where, she is always willing to do what she can. I have seen her make meals, leave suprise annonymous gifts on doorsteps, clean houses and church buildings and jump in her car to answer a long distance need from family. Her life is spent doing what she can to better the lives of others.

While her service to friends and strangers is impressive, her drive to help her children is something to behold. There is nothing she would not do for them. From babysitting the grandkids to investing in businesses, she offers all she has to see their success. I have been the recipient of such service and count it as a blessing in my life.


On this mother's day, I can only be grateful for the women who have shaped an molded me. I consider it my duty to follow their example so that this legacy of strength and kindness will continue on through the generations that come from these women.

Thanks Mom and Colleen for all that you are!

Happy Mother's Day!

Our Part

I took an extra long Spring Break. Thanks to my sister and sister in law for letting us come visit, we had a great time.


My husband made a wonderful comment the other night, it was simply this; "I know I have to do everthing I can each day to make it possible for the Lord to bless us."

We had been discussing the fact the kids and I had gone on the vacation without him and after we decided no more vacations without the WHOLE family, he explained why he had chosen to stay behind this time.

I realized two things; the first being that I am deeply grateful for the man I married. He is a good man. Second, that there have been dark times when my choice has been to wait until things get better thus paralyzing myself. I realized that I must join with my husband in doing all that I can each day so that we can expect the Lord's blessing and continue to grow as a couple.

Good stuff

U pres. says religious freedom eroding, urges LDS to join ACLU - ksl.com

U pres. says religious freedom eroding, urges LDS to join ACLU - ksl.com

Hair Bread

I decided to make bread yesterday. I have a wheat grinder and I grind a few cups of fresh wheat flour when I make the bread. Yesterday my daughter was checking out the machine because it makes a distinct whirring noise that she found quite interesting. Despite my asking her to stay away from the machine, she lowered her head to hear the sound better allowing her hair to hang down just enough to get sucked through the slats into the internal fan. Within a split second, it grabbed her hair and wound it into a tight ball. It took just a moment for me to realize what was happening and I quickly turned off the machine.

She was STUCk!

I knew there was no way I was going to get her hair out without taking scissors to it and so, well, here's what became of that.

She wasn't hurt, a little scared, but suprisingly enough you can't really tell she's missing any hair. If I hadn't gotten the grinder stopped as fast as I did she would probably have a bald spot. I hate it when my kids have to learn things the hard way.

The unintended reprecussion of this story is that even though I didn't use the flour that was in the grinder bin, somehow I ended up with hair in my bread dough. We are refering to the three loaves affectionately as "hair bread" and while we've only found one strand it's become a bit of a fear factor thing to eat it.

I dare you to come over for a slice.

Someday

I've got a bad case of Wanderlust. I need a vacation in the worst way but the longer I wait, the farther away I want to go. Like, I'm talking Europe. Unfortunately my vacation fund is a wee bit low so I'm going to have to content myself with planning my "someday" vacation. There is one thing that will always be on my list of worthy expenses, travel. If we ever get out of this monetary rut, I'm saving up for a getaway!

Lighten the Mood

It's date night! My favorite thing ever! Just think of it this way; it's cheaper than therapy or medication and given the current state of the globe, I'm in need of something to lift the spirit. Thank heaven for a hubby who is diligent in "courting" me even after 15 1/2 years. I am sighing with relief at the thought of going out.

Ugly Days

This has been a dark week. So much uncertainty and concern I've gotten lost in the struggle. After all my bravado about choosing growth and having faith, those things have been hard to do and I have spent many hours growling in my head, angry at life. Then I saw all the footage from Japan and realized I needed to suck it up. I can sit here, day after day, wishing things were different or easier and in the end regret my life or I can take my own advice and get busy. Let's see if I can walk the walk.

Donuts and Knock Knock Jokes

I watched a Travel Channel special on donuts today and decided I needed some. So my daughter, her little friend (who sounds exactly like Mini Mouse) and I made a quick dash to the store. On the way there they told knock knock jokes which, when told by five years olds, are my absolute fav. Here is the one my daughter came up with:

"Knock knock"

"who's there?"

"orange banana"

"orange banana who?"

"eyeball"


I'm not kidding, they totally laughed their heads off at that. Ah, I so wish I could remember what I thought when I was five.

Frozen Stiff

Sometimes, when things are not going like I would hope, I get stuck. The uncertainty of life sometimes gets me frozen and I find it hard to be productive. I've made calculated efforts of late to keep from getting stopped in my tracks and I've found that when I make even the smallest effort to do something other that wait, I feel much better about life. I'm not sure what today's efforts will be but I'm determined to do something that improves life for either me, my family or someone else. Here's hoping we all do the same.

The Picture of Health

I had a lovely visit with one of my new elderly lady friends. Upon meeting her and her husband, I was told I "looked sweet" and was "the picture of health". I'm telling ya folks, if you want to feel great about yourself, visit a nice elderly person! Their perspective can make your day!

Choose Your Growth

We can either be compelled to grow or we can choose it. I for one would rather work hard and try to do hard things than always wait for difficult circumstances to arise so that I may be tested. We will still have trial in life but ultimately we can help the Lord help us grow by choosing to stretch ourselves.

A Little Suga'

I feel the lazy bug has bit me today. I have zero interest in doing anything worthwhile which means I need to get off my duff and do something.

Yep, today is a cupcake day!

Be Still

My husband and I have been discussing the Psalm scripture "be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) lately. We've both been inspired by it on several occassions and today I had the chance to sit and take a closer look. I've never looked up the footnotes on this scripture and decided I would and when I looked up the footnote for "know" it directed me to Job 37:14 which reads "Heaken unto this, O Job: stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God."

Today I will "Hearken unto this", and "stand still", it can never hurt to consider the wondrous works of God.

Back to the Basics

So, today we are officially without an exchange student. It's been an interesting process going from trying to tolerate a different point of view in my home to accepting that it's not going to work to actually feeling relief that my home is all mine again. The strongest emotion I feel; relief. I had no idea how truly miserable I was for the past several months. I have to assume that this student was unhappy as well. In the past few days I have found that I am more energentic and happy around my kids and that has been a great bonus by itself.

All in all, not my favorite experience. It's been very tough and I've had a hard time reconciling my relief at his absence with my desire to be openminded. It's a tough one.

From Someone Else

Here's a thought.

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."

Karen Kaiser Clark

Down Another Path

So you may remember that I have had an exchange student living with me for the past seven months. It's the second time I've had an exchange student although he's the third student we've hosted. (Last year we had two at the same time.)

We are currently in the process of finding another home for this student because it's just not working out very well. It's not that he's a bad kid, quite the contrary, he's very polite but we have come to a major divide in our ways of thinking. See, I am a Mormon and he is an Atheist.

When we first started this school year, I thought we could live around each other's differences. He's a responsible kid who has never really made any more work for me in my house as far as chores go. The problem is simply, I have grown weary of feeling his tension at my dinner table as he sits with his head up, eyes ahead while we pray. Of feeling like we can't talk about certain subjects because he's here. I'm sure he's tired of feeling like religion and God are everywhere he turns and that no one is interested in hearing much about the things in which he believes strongly.

The only thing I can think of to describe our decision is simply this; while it's fun and exciting to play a football game, you don't bring the opposing team in to the locker room. This student would make a great next door neighbor. Thoughtful, respectful and hard working. But we just haven't been able to make it work living under one roof.

It's killing me to think that we can't make this work somehow but I know I will not stop praying, going to church or talking about God and I know that it is wrong to ask him to observe the tokens that mark my faith. I will not ask him to change just as I will not change for him. So, here we are. Respectfully taking separate paths hoping that no matter what the future holds both of us can look back at this experience with respect for the other.

Guard The Skinny!

I'm trying to lose weight...again. This time, it's personal. My battle cry is this; "guard the skinny!" I am so done with this fight. I've been successful before and I'm angry at myself for putting it back on. I like how I feel and look when I'm lighter and so the war to "guard my skinny" shall be fought and won! I will bury the fat lady that lives inside somewhere on the battle ground, never to rise again.

Now, on to battle!